Shook the Bones of Me

I'm giving myself a pat on the back. I DIDN'T get lost :). And now, I know where I (physically) wanna be. It would be a city, pretty big actually. But w/in that big city, little towns, mostly dominated by mom and pop stores. Those little towns, everything's walkable. Or take your bike. And if you can't walk or ride, there's a bus every two minutes, and if not a bus, take the subway, and if not the subway, the metro. Brick buildings, fire escapes, thrift shops galore, cuisines from 5 different cuisines alll on one block, a little cinema that has only 10 theatres but serves delishh popcorn. But the true beauty of it, you can escape it all. Because scattered all throughout towns are these sacred sanctuaries. So green and isolated and beautiful. For your pleasure, thoughtful purposes. Dang. If only. Even though I still have much hope for that.

Sometimes I think I'm unappreciative of my situation. Not material wise or anything. More like the people. Don't get me wrong (this is the part that makes me feel guilty and unappreciative) at least I have you, at least we get together every other week, dine, joke, talk about the weather, school, you've taken us out since we were toddlers. You have outstanding personalities that should truly be honored. You're good people, and i hope that stays with you. And I keep telling myself to stop judging. But gosh, sometimes I can't help it. Sometimes, we just don't click, we're not really..matched. Maybe I'm asking for too much culture, tradition. But that desire and jealousy is so strong that I know I need to have it. We could be like that, if we wanted to. Then our connection would be stronger than ever. And we'd be a really close....It's actually pretty creepy. I pretend things are the way I wish they turned out when I'm with you. It brings me comfort, happiness. Even though its not real. I guess I'll just wait for the future and make my own circumstances (w/ God's will, of course) and then I no longer have to pretend and it'll all be a beautiful reality. But what if this is one of those: "be careful what you wish for" things? And of course, everythign happens for a reason. But my yearning emotions are just really strong right now, and i'm telling myself, what bad can come of this? I guess I just want moderation, tradition, acknowledgment, and some connection.



However, I am grateful that you exist in my life. So thank you, you're amazing people.