Lately,

Caving in.

Awry

I was going to make a blog about all the assumptions people make about things that go wrong on test day, but i didn't want to jinx myself, which allows you to call me one of those people that thinks anything can happen on test day. I should sleep now, but I can't. Not that I'm nervous, it's just my not my sleeping schedule.

Two Mussies on one prank show in a single night?!! call that progression.

I Don't Care If It's a "Basics" Quiz

I fucking hate math. Not just any math, SAT math. Yes, even with THE C-Tong's help, I'm unable to solve a simple "Word Problem Basics Quiz"... I think you get some pleasure from this hmm? Some superiority over others' insecurities? This too shall pass...and inshallah it'll be what it'll be.
Dang, I'm ashamed...How could I possibly even think of longing for what you insignificantly, already have? I have everything I need right here...A strong bond, motivation, a sense of reality & beyond. And there I was slightly longing for that instant gratification. BUT, I often wonder if I'm angry with you for savoring this gratification, or angry with myself b/c I perhaps want something so insignificant as well? But nay, I doubt I want it that badly. Because, Thank God for Fridayprayer, I realized that that emotion was the most ungrateful, insignificant desire I have ever yearned for. And, Thank God, I only wanted it b/c it was a spur of the moment thing, it's not like i yearn for it all the time. Which I have come to see as a major accomplishment =)I'm extremely irritated at the moment. My computer is spazzing, I can feel my brain cells dying from staring at the screen, MATHISFCKING HARD, and my legs and this blanket cant seem to fit on this chair.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Strip Maul

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

10 minutes is much too long.

Dang, this week, next week, and the week after are supposed to be crazay busay. It'll all be worth it though, right jazz? Make it worth it. 

I've been doing this a lot lately. Maybe I just walk to 5th period alone for too long. But lately, I've been watching people disperse from lunch, and I can't stop..observing? them. Not in a stalkerish way. It's more of a.."What would happen if.." kind of way. "What would happen if there was a sudden, destructive earth quake and that girl was buried under rubble?" I'd like to think that people will come together and help one another in a time of catastrophe. But that's the problem...in a time of catastrophe. Why do we have to wait for a catastrophe  in order to be unified, to care? I think a death in the family is the best example for this. Someone dies, and all of a sudden you have a family reunion and you remember how much you love being with them. Then pretty soon you disperse once more and the next time you see them is at the next funeral. I also like to think that a tragedy is the No. 1 thing that could spark a reality check. We've all had them, and we all need them. When we have them (and I'm talking from an American teenager, gets-everything-handed-to-her point of view), it's so powerful, so amazing that you're so insignificant yet have so much potential, that you don't know what to do with it. So, you usually just end up marveling at the world in awe, and the next day, you're back roaming around aimlessly. So yes, I'm sure we've all experienced reality checks. But, I think we need to have this reality mentality. To just have this aspect in the back of our minds that we're so insignificant, are problems are so meager that it's almost disgusting that we don't think about how lucky we are every minute of our day. With that mentality, I think we can find comfort much easier. Be much more relaxed. Realize that there are bigger, greater, much more important things out there. And they're the things we take little notice of (family, food, health). Now, I'm not saying sulk in guilt and never exercise your blessings. These were given to you by God, enjoy them. But also realize that they can be taken away just as easily, at the tiniest turn of events, and you don't know when, or how, or if it will even happen. I dont know, it seems to me that when we realize how insignificant we are, we actually become much more aware of our world, ourselves. 

Just admit it, you're completely vulnerable.

So much beauty

So..basically I'm still motivated like you could never believe. But being back home has helped it slow down a bit, or at least not be so out there. Friday was very rash and brave. But it was fine, all it was was some delicious pho & tutti frutti with a bestie. What's the harm in that? But let me rewind. Friday was, amazing. I guess we all need one of those days to be so embraced in the spirituality. I mean, when the sheikh freaking cries while praying for your brothers & sisters halfway around the world in a little strip called Gaza, you can't help but get a little emotional yourself. It was beautiful. However, it is a little sad that we need a tragedy to be able to come together as one. Tell me if I'm getting over emotional, because I'm a sucker for unity stories. Plus, I was PMSING and it was kinda gloomy, so maybe that added to it. But it was probably the most beautiful day of break. I cried a lot during break. Actually, only the last days. And not over stupid shit, either. Ain't that somethin'. 

Girls, I salute you. But then again, you've got support from the rents. It's harder when you don't. A lot harder. I knew I should have written my confession down. I just can't seem to argue vocally, but maybe a strongly written argument letter would have changed your mind? Doubt it. We're both stubborn as fuck. I'm sorry I yelled & insulted & was ungrateful. But you were making me so angry. What's the bigdeal? And now, you make me scared. Scared of them out there... when I thought we were all tolerant? Aren't we? Why is it any different when it comes to us? And it hurts that you think I'll be deshawniarb, couldn't you trust my judgement a little more? Which makes me a little less excited for college, b/c i know you won't be. Anyway, you haven't convinced me, you may have won the battle, but the war is mine. Or heck, why do we have to make this a fight anyway? God, all i can do now i just pray that the decision I'm making will please. God, please forgive me, give me strength, wisdom.