Scar(r)ed

Home, and it feels so good. For now. Dang, first weekend where I have nothing to do. (i'm lying).
You're amazing. Just amazing. You know how to completely alter my mood, question myself, love myself, feel good about myself. But then you're gone and my real, paranoid self tells me otherwise. And then you and that self get in a huge fight and I'm caught in the middle of it. I'm the one that ends up looking at both of you with sorry eyes and faint smiles. And worst of all...you knoww. You know that it's not genuine. But I just want you to know that I have potential to make it real, I really do. Just give me a chance. But now you've scared me. Or just made me realize. I'm wondering if i'm influenced by you, or by me, or by them. Or by something else. I don't know who the hell is right. Maybe we all are. That's the worse gray area. Tonight, I just know something's going to fall apart. Me and You, Me, You. And I'll try to put the pieces back together if it's between me and you, cutting myself the whole way through, but putting it back together nonetheless. If IIII fall apart, I dont really know what I'd do...I suppose I would just wallow in the shattered mess, not cleaning up the blood. And if you fall apart, well I'd try to put it back together, but you won't let me. Why does this havvee to happen? I dont want to bleed. I've changed, you say. I have to agree. But i don't know if its for the good or the bad. I know you're looking out, but now I'm really scared.

Neon Pink? No, sorry Mel

FREEDOM! It's bittersweet...no, actually, it's just sweet. I've got quite a bit of meaningless stuff to do, like download new fettishes, shoppppppppppppppp, and read twilight series, just for kicks.
This weekend: San Diego. I wanna go to Long Beach this week. I think it would benefit quite a few people. My blogs are so boring when I'm not going through anxiety. (I just don't feel like advertising it this time).

QUESADILLLAS NOW

Heavy Heart

After APs, i'm reorganizing my priorities. And following through.

and gaining strength? Being a ram sucks.