"FCKING has rejected mounting international pressure to cease-fire"

I've never been motivated more in my life. I hope it's not a spur of the moment thing. you know how much I hate phases. I think I've figured out my New Year's Resolution:

BE AS BLUNT AS POSSIBLE IN ORDER TO CONVEY MY IDEAS. No more shitting around. If I don't like what you've said, I will politely (or not, depending on the situation) propose my counterargument, and even if you don't agree with me,even if you may not understand it, I want you to know that I've got ideas and they will be released whenever I find necessary. (This also includes standing up as much as possible in the face of an injustice) This is phase 1 in the establishment.

Also, stop judging. You've learned something new, and you always thought it was different. Now you're inspired, all from shutting down your judging walls and learning. Do that more often. And if your judgments turn out be disappointingly accurate, then that's simply how it is, and you will simply express your ideas (from phase 1). And that's it.
2009: Brave enough? PLEASE! be brave enough. we need to talk. Please don't try to convince me. I hate when you do that. Conscience, I hope you will come out on top.
I wish I was at one of these today.


What a lousy time to not be able to pray.

"It's just a book, it's justa book"

I hate thinking about:
Abbreviated tests.
T-shirts.
OldFolks Homes & Libraries
leftover HW.
...that's pretty much it. But it's overwhelming sometimes. To take my mind off the pressure, I really need a release...like finishing up the twilight saga. But i'm stuck on part two =(

PS: THANKS for the heating pad CAN, it's like your psychic or something.

Second time around.

Today was chill much. Watch crapTV for a couple hours, "practice" SAT sections, do ONE notecard for us history, meet melly at goodwill, score some cute stuff, dyehair, watch I Survived...Ok, i'm gonna make a vow to myself starting from now: whenever there's crap TV on aka reruns, reality shows, things that won't benefit you in any way shape or form, ditch it and hit the book&homework. Do something productive--novels are fun (yay,,, i can finally jump on the Twilight bandwagon now), you kinda enjoy making notecards, watch one of the classics your bro's been telling you about, learn that language to so you could "motivate", set up those recyclable boxes, volunteerfckkkkkk! 

gotcha.

AND:

A cool way to recycle materials (kinda) or a new marketing scheme for the holidays to revive a dying classic? 

It's a bit chillay.

It's official. They've escaped and we're all doomed. You think the rain and the gray clouds are bad? Wait until we're all lifeless zombies hoping to die but never quite getting there. Times like these, I say stick to those you love and protect them with everything you've got. It's the only good left. 

HAH! How long can this analogy go on? Probably as long as the rain & gloomy weather goes on...which i'm perfectly fine with. But I'm NOT fine with those lifeless hooded figures roaming around everywhere.

Danggg, December was crazzay. Friendsies make a something as simple as a birthday the besttttttttt, i love surprises, homemade breakfasts, blindfolds, and pizookies. ASU potluck was a success...praise the freeloaders! But bless the responsible generous. X-MAS PARTY: I never realized how much I miss the pleasure of a bounce house and how frightened the passengers on Titanic must have felt. 

Where are the pictures you ask? Good question. I've only captured very few of these moments and unfortunately, was not able to upload them b/c a) laziness b) it's hella confusing!!!!

But I vow to take more pictures everywhere and everyplace &share them w/ all ya'll. Not like you care, but I just need proof that I was once happy so i could produce an effective potronous (enouuuugh). The only bad thing about break is it'll be over soon. Then what do we have to look forward to? Abraham Lincoln's bday? It truly is the jolliest? time of the year. except New Year's Eve. MMM! i<3tradition.

I'll give you anything.

I feel so, _____________. you fill in the blank. 

HINT HINT: __________. 

come, break. come, gloom. come, fun. come, thinking. come, productivity? 

I'm mad all the time and i don't know why. (true or false?)

maybe i should join Dumbledore's Army, at least that's something worth fighting for. 

I'm happy! really, seriously. Alhamdullilah. It's just__________! (you figure that one on your own, and when you do, lemme know because i have no idea). 

Maybe it's just time that I need to pass by for me to figure it out. Maybe I'm just too harsh on people. Maybe I just believe in too much. Maybe I'm too one-sided. Maybe I'm too passionate about it all. Maybe I'm way in over my head. Maybe it's just a phase. Ihopenot.

PS: i know that you're hoping you're wrong, but we both know that you're not (you're trying not to jinx it).

Today's motive: tomorrow's another day, you judge too quickly. 

Painful Realization

I can't believe its taken me this long to figure it out. Now I just need to let it out. I swear to God, 2 more years, you'll know what I'm all about. Understand? That's up to you. My job is to let it all out, and you do what you want with it. Fuck the fermentation.

Moss don't bite.

If you ever wanna take me on a road trip to the great outdoors, I would much appreciate if you took me to a temperate rain forest. There's one in Olympic, Washington. And yes, as a matter of fact, this did come from Environmental. But gosssh, isn't it beautiful? I think once I'm there I won't wanna come back to the fake ferns we've got everywhere. It reminds me of a fantasy world like Narnia or something. 

Anyway, back to reality, unfortunately. Not to sound unappreciative, but I think all these days off in November are seriously making me super lazy, and unmotivated (ta-da!). And I think I'll stay in my cruise mode until January starts. But you can't blame me, the holiday spirit is kicking in and I can't help it. Even though I don't even celebrate Christmas, but I salute ya'll for making it so spirited! I kind of don't want them all to end either, because after that there's not much to look forward to except all the abbreviated tests you can think of. My aunt's going to the Homeland in a week, and I'm suppper jealous. Oh, shoot, I was supposed to go over there today. I'm only jealous though because I'm excited to go there in three years. Not right now. And it's because hopefully by three years, I will have established myself as I truly want to be. 

DEC. 10: ringin the nose?!

Sunday?

Ahh, I wanna read (reread) HP 6. but i know once i do, i wont be able to put it down and i'll get all emotional and shitt during every climactic moment. I look forward for bedtime and shower time most nowadays. It's such a, how do you say, motivator? Yes, motivator that seems to be the theme of this month. All my motivation. I wonder when this phase will wear out? PLEASE, PLEASE don't be a phase. Please turn out to be all true or even better. I miss the homeland. Even though it doesn't seem like it. I really do, I can't wait to go back. I think it's because I'm putting my goals in terms of a span of three years. Stuff I want to accomplish by the time i go back. How much more literate I'll be, how much more educated I hope to be (oh, and if you ever used it against me, i'm firing back atchya fullllllll blast), the life changes they'll think are crazy, but admire. That's also some motivation. But I just hope it all turns out how I hope, and if not, I hope it's God's will and not my own faults. READING TIME! 

Save him, save him.

No, it's not being cynical. Actually, maybe it is. But there's nothing to be worried about. I'm just going through a phase. A phase that consists of 1) realizing 2) asking whywhywhywhy 3) getting angry at the excuses 4) accepting, but not supporting. But no worries, it's a phase, a very bitter, emotional phase. But a phase. Sometimes I wish it kind of wasn't though, because I think it makes me that much stronger and gives me motivation. Ya'll have fun, I'll be here, saving the world. Dang, if they only knew. I think they would appreciate so much more instead of criticize. Don't worry about me fellas, I'm completely fine, I know who I am and I know where I'm going. You just worry bout yourselves and pick up that trash. There are some real life changes coming your way, so look out. 

On a brighter note, winterrr! I love being a winter baby. I'm excited for gloomy days, mega-holiday sales, Victoria Gardens, new outerwear, and snow, ladies? 

"That Reddish Color?"

There are about a 286 things on my mind right now. Basically a to-do list that i'm craving to check off, and by a deadline too. Superwoman? No. Somewhat? Definitely. I don't know if it's naivety shed, but I'm finding more and more nuisances in people I would usually defend. I kinda like. I think I'm starting to become defensive too. Which is ironic, because according to her i was too "soft", but now you're kinda "err...mean". ANGST! ANGST! ANGST! Danggg motivate me, somebody. Well, I guess I kinda do have it...provided by my "when I grow up". I'M EXCITED!! But I dont wanna miss out, either. I miss all the pictures that used to be on this thing, eff, virus. Any hair suggestions, anyone? So far I have:
Maroon/Brown
Jet Black

A Whole Lotta Nothing

Man, I wasted today. I did NO-thing. But I guess I'm gonna miss doing a whole lot of nothing. I have a feeling this year is gonna be hella hectic. But I guess that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. As long as the end result pleases me, I'm a go. FCK you Napster. You just lost (3) customers. Now I have to transfer evverything. I can't believe it's already been 11 days since I came back from the Homeland. And 5 more days till I go back to that-which-must-not-be-spoken-of. Which I'm excited for, but dreading. I'm pretty sure everybody feels like this though. Mann, I miss not doing anything but feeling like we've done everything. And sleeping really late. I'm just not nocturnal here. I just wanna be up while everybody else isn't. 3ish is really good. or 6ish. Watch the sunrise. That'd be nice. Too bad I dont have enough stamina for it. Mmmm, I love me some new music from the same artists. Talk about a broken record. Yay! With God's grace, we were able to buy a new camera. I love you Kodak, you're so much better than that ugly, fat Canon. We went to the beach a couple of days ago. I <3 dusk. A LOT. And the smell of smoke from a bonfire and how it lingers in your hair until you wash it. Talk about reminisince. That's how I felt the WHOLE time after sunset. Reminded me much of Campland. I want a cat. So she can sleep at the foot of my bed. Dangg, you can feel the tension in here. It's so thick. First, I'll go clear it. Then I think I'll finish that 1,000 piece puzzle. (Or start it).

PS: trytogetoverit. really now.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, this is how a whole lotta nothing looks like: